Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you never un-have a 4some
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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