they need to just BURY HIM!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
