If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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