I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
