Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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