omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
