i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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