I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
FUCK WHALES
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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