Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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