Your dad touched me again.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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