I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
