the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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