someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
