please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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