I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
