i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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