Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
