She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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