would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
