I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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