I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
