They should really pass out barf bags in church
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
