Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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