wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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