The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
