They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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