i may or may not be watching the land before time
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
