Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
