You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm really busy with my period
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