he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
