I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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