He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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