I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
