I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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