i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
