i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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