dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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