We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
