she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
