My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
