he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Barsexuality is the new black.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
