I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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