Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Randomize
