we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
