Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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