so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
