I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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