Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
