She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Operation Purity has been aborted
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
