Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
