Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize