Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
