Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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