I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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