he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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