There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
