he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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