I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
