ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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