good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
