I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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