Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
