The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.