I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Found your dick twin last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.