How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?