Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.