You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.