I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
